Dear Joel,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your cat.I think I realised it when I tripped on peanut butter outside of your office and I saw you pour syrup on my boyfriend. I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that your driving sucks. I'm returnng your toe ring to you, but I'll keep the results of that blood-sample as a memory. You should know that I told in my confession today about the moose poaching and you ruined my attempts at another world war.
Best of luck on the sex change,
Kathleen.
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