There’ll come a time,
When goodbyes must be shared
Still, not denying true love,
Or those who truly cared.
There’ll be moments,
When tears will not cease.
Because some hearts,
Prove difficult to please.
Those minutes of the day,
Will come unannounced.
Will seep silently,
Making but one sound.
The sound of tearspill,
On the cheek; On the floor.
The sound of a heart breaking,
From longing for more.
In these moments of doom,
I begin to recall.
All my prior intentions,
Do I make sense at all?
Did I see, what I thought I did?
Was it all in my mind?
Playing tricks with my thoughts,
Leaving clarity behind.
Did you lie to make me smile,
Or was it truly, for real?
Did I twist your response,
To how I wanted to feel?
Did you only take my hand,
So not to let me down.
Did you give me reason to smile,
So not to make me frown.
Do I still matter to you,
Did I ever at all?
Did you only hang around,
So not to let me fall?
Did my mélange of feelings,
Cloud prudence as well.
To save me pain & anguish,
The truth you didn’t tell.
I never believed I could keep you
But somehow you’re still here.
Now losing you, and all of this,
Has become my deepest fear.
Fear; that I see in the distance,
Closer & closer each day
Fear; of tear-spill & heartbreak
The things you might say.
This time not words of encouragement,
Of beauty or of poise.
But instead, words to scar
From the mellifluous sound of your voice.
That’ll snatch the things I hold dear,
Your scent, your touch, your smile
Like thieves in the night,
Love’s sanctity defiled.
Rob me of your mind,
So beautiful, so wise.
Unveiling my emptiness,
Revealing this flimsy disguise.
The mask I wear to show,
No pain shall scar my heart.
That I will be alright
When the time comes to part.
But you, you know my story,
Better than the most
More than I’ve shared with anyone,
Still you don’t boast.
In moments of impending doom,
I remember why I swayed.
Why I shiver at your breath,
Why it still doesn’t fade.
I remember your smile, your laugh,
How my spirit still moves.
Moves to inch closer to you,
No matter how much I might lose.
Because all that’s lost, I gain
When your lips meet mine
When your had caresses my face
And your breath as deep as mine.
All that’s lost, truly isn’t
With your arms, my safety net.
You hold me closer,
And there’s nothing I regret.
Nothing but the simple truth,
It’s clear now to me
Though, love, I say isn’t fictitious,
It’s become fantasy.
Cos though my love won’t falter,
The reasons they may change,
But the most valuable,
I’ve failed to attain.
Yes I’ve held your hands,
I’ve kissed you in the dark.
I’ve lain next to you,
There was that magical spark.
Yes, I’ve kissed your lips,
Felt the rush to my head.
I’ve listened to your pain,
I know the tears you’ve shed.
Yes I’ve felt your embrace,
I still long for it today.
I’ve held your face close to mine,
Your hands have gone astray.
But still I lose out the most,
I failed right from the start.
The most valuable I failed to attain,
I never owned your heart.
xx
Kathleen Gillian de Cruz
20th June 2009
00:58am
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